Monday, May 17, 2010

Adultery - Definition

Extramarital sex that elicits agonizing pain, heartfelt sorrow, shame, torment, ridicule, public apology, tears, humiliation, clergy intervention, political resignation and giving up professional golf…if caught


Tiger Woods, #1 golfer in the world: “I want to say again to everyone that I am profoundly sorry and that I ask forgiveness.”

John Edwards, Vice Presidential candidate: “I was and am ashamed of my conduct and choices…I had hoped that it would never become public.”

Jesse James, a/k/a Mr. Sandra Bullock: “This has caused my wife and kids pain and embarrassment beyond comprehension and I am extremely saddened to have brought this on them.”

Sam Megna, former Deputy Sheriff, Ontonagon, Michigan, my uncle: “That was nice ass!”

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Sex with a Client

The Code of Professional Conduct prohibits a lawyer from having sexual relations with a client unless a sexual relationship existed prior to the client becoming a client.

Here's how this works:

Let's say a personal injury attorney is having sex with a 23-year-old exotic dancer. She accidentlally slips off the pole during a VIP performance and breaks her leg. Can that attorney handle her injury claim and still maintain the sexual relationship? The Code says yes, because the relationship was taking place before the dancer became a client.

Now, if that same lawyer only wished he were having sex with the performer before the accident, then he could not make sexual advances during the initial office consultation, or "bang" her during the litigation.

Lawyers faced with this dilemma have two options: They can either put off signing a retainer agreement until after a sexual relationship has been established, or refer the case to outside counsel who will agree to split the fee, thus ensuring the referring lawyer a "piece of the action."

Either way, the Code will not be violated.

Thursday, May 6, 2010