Thursday, November 25, 2010

Money Laundering, Condoms, Meat on Friday: The Pope is a Confusing Dude

Italian authorities seized $30 million from a Vatican bank in connection with a money laundering scheme. The Holy see said it was perplexed and surprised. On the condom issue, many Catholics are also confused. The Pope recently proclaimed it's OK for male prostitutes to use condoms as a prevention for the spread of HIV. Apparently however, the strictest defenders of Catholicism's "No Rubber Rule," prefer the spread of Aids over slipping on the jimmy. This is all very confusing to me. I still haven't figured out what happened to the souls of the people who ate meat on Fridays before 1967. If you had a hot dog on Friday in 1966 and died before going to confession, you'd burn in Hell - FOREVER. But then in 1967 the Pope said go ahead and eat all the hot dogs you want on Friday, it's no longer a Mortal sin - no Hell at all. I don't quite understand.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Lap Dancer and the Tax Warrant

State Marshall William Nolan breaks down in tears after lap dance at New Haven, CT strip club! Officer Nolan was at the club trying to serve a delinquent Tax Warrant on the club owner when a naked dancer persuaded him to try a lap dance. The officer took her up on the offer and then served the warrant. However, when the exotic dance was caught on tape by the club's security camera, Nolan cried like a baby apologizing to his wife and 87 year old mother for poor judgement. The poor judgment Nolan references is his failure to cover the security camera lens before the dance started.

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Hate Crime - Defintion

Dragging Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck behind a Cadillac Escalade through the streets of  East St. Louis, Detroit and Watts, California, just to see them bounce.

Friday, August 13, 2010

Alibi - Definition

The term alibi comes from Latin meaning "somewhere else." It is proof that you were not where you were, when you did not do what you did. Craigslist offers credible professional witnesses who will provide iron-clad alibi testimony for as little as a few hundred dollars, depending on the severity of the crime that you did not commit. (Craigslist also offers same and opposite sex companionship at reasonable hourly rates.)

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Korean TV coming to Wisconsin to feature Vince Megna in lemon law documentary

Reported in the Milwaukee JournalSentinel 7-24-10.

Should Hyundai be nervous?

An independent producer, C.J. Kim of New York, said he's on a mission for SBS, the Seoul Broadcasting Station, to show how Wisconsin's law protects car buyers who wind up with lemons.

He's coming to Waukesha County next week, turning to noted lemon lawyer Vince Megna, who won a $482,662 settlement for his client, Waukesha restaurateur Marco Marquez, against Mercedes-Benz USA. The judgment is on hold while under appeal, but Megna could get a $300,000 share if he wins again.

Kim said in a telephone interview that there's no protection for car buyers in Korea. "That's why they need a kind of example" of how well the law works for an hourlong documentary scheduled to air Aug.11, he said.

Monday, July 19, 2010

Arbitration - Definition

The process in which our Seventh Amendment constitutional right to trial by jury is replaced with an arbitrator presiding over an out-of-court sodomy circus. The best way to prepare for arbitration is to bend over and grab your ankles.

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Annulment - Definition

Catholic Church proclamation that your wife's a whore, the marriage never took place, your children are bastards and the next marriage to your 21 year old triple D paralegal will be your first...all for $3,800.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Plea Bargaining

You know your lawyers good if she can plea bargain Sodomy down to Following too Close.

Monday, May 17, 2010

Adultery - Definition

Extramarital sex that elicits agonizing pain, heartfelt sorrow, shame, torment, ridicule, public apology, tears, humiliation, clergy intervention, political resignation and giving up professional golf…if caught

QUOTES BY FAMOUS ADULTERES WHO GOT CAUGHT

Tiger Woods, #1 golfer in the world: “I want to say again to everyone that I am profoundly sorry and that I ask forgiveness.”

John Edwards, Vice Presidential candidate: “I was and am ashamed of my conduct and choices…I had hoped that it would never become public.”

Jesse James, a/k/a Mr. Sandra Bullock: “This has caused my wife and kids pain and embarrassment beyond comprehension and I am extremely saddened to have brought this on them.”

Sam Megna, former Deputy Sheriff, Ontonagon, Michigan, my uncle: “That was nice ass!”

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Sex with a Client

The Code of Professional Conduct prohibits a lawyer from having sexual relations with a client unless a sexual relationship existed prior to the client becoming a client.

Here's how this works:

Let's say a personal injury attorney is having sex with a 23-year-old exotic dancer. She accidentlally slips off the pole during a VIP performance and breaks her leg. Can that attorney handle her injury claim and still maintain the sexual relationship? The Code says yes, because the relationship was taking place before the dancer became a client.

Now, if that same lawyer only wished he were having sex with the performer before the accident, then he could not make sexual advances during the initial office consultation, or "bang" her during the litigation.

Lawyers faced with this dilemma have two options: They can either put off signing a retainer agreement until after a sexual relationship has been established, or refer the case to outside counsel who will agree to split the fee, thus ensuring the referring lawyer a "piece of the action."

Either way, the Code will not be violated.

Thursday, May 6, 2010